Monday, February 06, 2006

Skinny Girl Beats Up Skinny High School Boys, Takes Lunch Money

Colony High School Sophomore Michaela Hutchinson became the first girl to win a state wrestling title, capturing the Alaska title in her weight class by defeating a no-doubt embarrassed and unfortunately monikered lad by the name of Aaron Boss (not to be confused with this man).

This is like my worst nightmare from high school, getting the crap kicked out of me by a 103 pound girl. What’s worse, this is the second time in two weeks that Boss has had his ass kicked by Hutchinson. He’s in good company though, as Hutchinson is 45-4 in her career.

My question is, what is this girl’s life like around school? She’s not the beast I expected her to be (quite the opposite; she looks like my little brother when he was 9), though she’s not exactly homecoming queen either. As I mentioned before, she’s only 103 pounds, so, in all fairness, these guys she’s beating up aren’t exactly star athletes. More likely they’re ‘Made’ rejects who are looking to stop getting pushed around by guys on the football team, and think that joining the wrestling team would be the quickest way to toughen up. The guys wrestling in a division where a 103 pound girl would even have the chance to beat them up aren’t exactly A.C. Slater.

So what do people think of her? Do the jocks accept her? Are the nerds scared to death of her? Does she have a boyfriend? Can she beat him up too? These are the questions that need to be answered for me.

In the meantime, the guys she defeated can take solace in the fact that, although they were beat by a girl, at least the faintest possibility of wrestling a girl makes rolling around on the mat with another guy slightly less gay. Slightly.

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